So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
