and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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