And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
