May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
