I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
