he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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