Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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