Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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