the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
