i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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