Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
