I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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