every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
