Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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