you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
