I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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