Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize