so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
