She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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