he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I sprained my soul last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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