he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
