He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
