The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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