So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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