I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
