tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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