U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize