you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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