Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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