I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
