..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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