I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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