During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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