please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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