i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
