i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How does it feel to date your dad?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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