had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
