You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize