I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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