The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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