Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
