let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
