you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
