Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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