But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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