Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
