She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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