Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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