I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
