I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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