my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
