but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
