I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
