i would punch a child for taco bell
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
