Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
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