Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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