maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
