Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
