Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
