That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
