I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
