I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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