im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
