dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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