We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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