What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
