we're blogging at a bar
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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