if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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