Jerry, you need to find god
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
