I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
