Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
