This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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