How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
