DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
