After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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