Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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