He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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